Soundtrack To Breakfast

Philips Wireless Headphones. They're fantastic. I wake up, put them on and it's like Norah Jones is whispering in my ear at dawn. I wee with them on, usually with a Paul Weller track, That's Entertainment or something - something a bit gritty in the lyrics and bouncy in the beat - something that doesn't make hitting the seat seem inappropriate. Norah would be mortified!

I hoovered with the little ear-companions today. For all I know, countless phone calls and door knocks could have occurred. I might have been entitled to inheritance or propositioned by a former school teacher (every boy's fantasy) but I didn't care. Tidying up with Newton Faulkner is so much easier.

I'm going to wear them to my wedding, why not? Metallica would be interesting.

The birth of my first baby. It would be like a scene from Friends with a bit of U2 in the background.

I wonder if anyone would mind if I wore them to funerals. It would help hold in the emotions if Freddie Mercury was having such a good time, having a ball, in my head. What if I wore them to my own funeral? Of course by then they'd be an integral part of my character, nobody would look twice:

'Ah, I remember Rob and his headphones at my birthday party. Didn't like my techno music too much but made a sensible compromise with those things and came to every party since. What a selfless lad.'

My favourite thing about them is when my parents go to sleep, I can still watch a Blu-Ray in bed, with the volume cranked up. No wires to choke on and they are pretty comfortable, so I could definitely get away with a headphone snooze. Plus, the battery makes the Duracell bunny look like Paula Radcliffe. I charged them two days ago and I’m still using them now – I’m listening to the TV show Eggheads (I like the questions but prefer not to look at CJ’s annoying face).

I'm so used to them now I fear not only for the posture of my ears, but also whether I'll even realise they're on my head when getting a shower. So this could be my last post. Play whatever song you like at my funeral, I'll sort myself out.

http://www.philips.co.uk/c/headphones/shc5102_10/prd?retailStoreStatus=true&country=GB&catalogType=CONSUMER&language=en&onlineStoreStatus=false&stores=true&proxybuster=135C9EDB1B5CD2F7F79C12915EDDB525.app102-drp3